Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I've decided to quit WoW

Instead of WoW, I'm going to play Darkfall exclusively. I just felt that my leisure time wasn't filled with enough real consequences.

I especially love to play the Corpse Run Minigame that shipped with Darkfall as an added bonus. At first, I just logged in, got killed on purpose, then spent the rest of my night in enjoying the cerebral challenge of traveling unarmed back to my corpse while trying not to get re-killed by other people who hadn't lost all of their armor or weapons. No wussy "rematches" in this game, no sir!

A few days later, I figured out that I needed to play with other people to reach more advanced corpse-run scenarios, including the 60-man Corpse Run Raids advertised on the game's website. I joined a guild, and now instead of logging in and playing Corpse Run, I log in and play the other exciting mini-game Wait For Rest of Team So I Don't Get Raped By Another Roaming Gang with One More Person In It.

At least in Darkfall, when I get killed, I can be confident that the other person was more skilled than me and I clearly deserved whatever pounding I got for being a noob. One of my favorite parts of the game is how, when I get jumped by 8 other guys and then they repeatedly teabag me as I try to recover my corpse naked and weaponless, I know I really deserved it for being stupid enough to be lower level, or stupid enough to not bring 9 guys with me, or just for being a really bad player. And that's what my leisure time is really about: getting the punishment I deserve for being a noob, or meting out that punishment to others who are bigger noobs than me.

Now excuse me, I need to crouch-walk into this wall to max out both my Crouching and Walking skill while waiting in line for the outhouse, where I'll be able to work on the coveted Shitting and Wiping skills. Oh hey, you dropped a coin. I would pick it up for you, but I haven't worked enough on my Bending Over skill yet. I guess I'd better play some more Corpse Run, huh?

Sure, it's not perfect over here either, but Darkfall has one feature I like that WoW doesn't have, so that makes it automatically better than WoW in every way and you are a stupid genital-less noob cock-wrangler for liking WoW.

What was that? You say you are going to spend the hour I'm Corpse Running tonight running an entire beautiful instance full of cool-looking loot you get to keep, then maybe do some PvP where you get to test your skills over and over against opponents instead of losing once and then being unable to fight for the rest of the evening? And in your game there's a variety of decently-balanced classes, instead of a million identical earth magic and polearm users?

Wow, you are a wuss. Go have fun in your sissy-game for sissies, you big sissy. Talk to me when you grow some balls.

1 comment:

Stabs said...

Ha ha! I'm gonna tell Syncaine :-)