Review: Man of Steel

It's fitting that, like its protagonist, Man of Steel is from two worlds.  In one way, it succeeds with flying colors (HAH! Get it?) as a superhero movie.  In another way, it fails to be decent as a film.

Coming from Christopher Nolan's Batman co-writer, David S. Goyer, and 300 director Zack Snyder, Man of Steel earns a place in the new school of superhero movies by making the hero's backstory more cohesive and elegant while packing the film with tons of stylish CGI fighting.  You can see Nolan's influence both in the effort to bring something this fantastical down-to-earth (by abandoning or reworking all of the goofiest aspects of Superman) and in all the thoughtful staring into space the characters do.

Yep.

As an action fan, my jaw was literally sitting slack for about ten minutes straight during Superman's first big fight sequence.  Seriously, I think a few flies wandered into my mouth.  This is the best Superman movie ever, if only because Snyder so perfectly nailed Superman's fighting on film.  Previous movies were hamstrung by the special effects of their time and perhaps the imaginations of their filmmakers.  Before, Superman would lift something heavy very slowly and we were all supposed to be impressed.  Man of Steel thinks nothing of punching characters through entire city blocks of buildings.  At one point Superman brushes a truck off his shoulder because it's getting in the way of him punching someone through a wall.  It's the real deal, and if you're as much a fan of punching as I am, you'll love it.

Just another ho-hum Tuesday in Metropolis

One of the keys to making the new generation of superhero movies work for the general public has been to modify their worlds and lore so they seem as close to believable as possible.  Man of Steel does the best job of this I could have imagined for this character (with one small exception).  It takes pains to make Krypton a real place, and brings a villain who arises naturally from the events of Kal-El's origin, rather than feeling random or contrived - or cartoonishly villainous like film depictions of Lex Luther have been.  Kryptonite isn't a glowing green rock, and Lois Lane, the Pulitzer-winning reporter, isn't going to be fooled by a pair of glasses.  In classic Nolan fashion, the villain and the core conflict of the film are linked to the core themes of the film and the main character's own challenges, instead of seeming randomly plugged-in just to fill the pre-requisite villain slot.

Holy shit look at this guy.  They don't even need to pad the fucking suit.

Man of Steel also stands out in the casting department.  Henry Cavill is Superman, and I hope he gets to keep playing that character for at least another decade.  He plays a calm, controlled version of the character who just emanates kindness and trustworthiness, but also shows flashes of emotional release and humanity - whether it be joy at discovering he can fly, or righteous fury at threats to his loved ones.  Amy Adams fits into the role of Lois Lane so naturally that I forgot she was an actress, and Michael Shannon's Zod lends the character so many qualities that enrich him, even as the script tries to shove him into the land of hamminess.  All of Superman's many parents act the shit out of their scenes, and give performances that elevate the entire film.  Laurence Fishburne is mostly wasted as Perry White, but when he gets one chance to act, he grabs it by the throat.

Unfortunately, the pitch-perfect reimagining of Superman and the jaw-dropping battle sequences can't save Man of Steel from being more than just stylish spectacle.  The plot is fucking perforated - there are innumerable holes and so many belief-stretching coincidences that they stick out even in a movie about a flying alien who punches spaceships.  The character development is shoddy, and somehow fails to really flesh Superman out as a character even though it spends the entire first half of the movie just following him around while he broods.  The motivations and decisions made by almost all characters throughout the movie are inconsistent.  The villains plan is pretty terrible, which is surprising considering that the movie makes a huge point out of how he was bred and raised to be great at military shit.  Did they just not teach strategy and tactics in Kryptonian West Point?  He's a fucking general, for god's sake!

ZHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

You can see Goyer and Nolan make gestures towards thematic resonance, but they are nowhere near as successful in Man of Steel as they were in The Dark Knight.  The plot wasn't set up well enough to give Superman the kind of agency he'd need to make his choices matter, and the constant plot problems undermine the message every step of the way.  It definitely feels like whatever was thought-provoking about the original script had to be twisted or cut out to make way for more CGI punching and product-placements (OK, we get it, you want us to notice SEARS and IHOP.  Thanks, Warner Brothers Pictures).  On the other hand, given all the brick-over-the-head obvious christ references, maybe Goyer and Snyder are just hacks.  Further evidence for that case: the amount of property damage and human death Superman directly causes or allows to happen.  It creates a dissonance that disrupts the whole movie.  For the final half hour, all I could think was "Superman would get this fight away from civilians" and "Bruce Wayne is going to be SO MAD at you, Clark!" *

And to top it all off, like all blockbusters, it gives the ladies short shrift.  Lois is actually done pretty well early on, but as the movie progresses she devolves into combination damsel/lovestruck puppy instead of the brave, plucky reporter of the first half.  Martha Kent and Mrs. El are both barely in their scenes, making way for Kal/Clark's two fathers to take center stage, and pretty much all the credit.  Even the villain's second-in command, a badass lady soldier, finds a nemesis in a run-of-the-mill human.  Zod's nemesis is Superman, her nemesis is some random soldier with no superpowers, unless you count a previously starring in Law and Order: SVU as a superpower.  That gives you an idea of what the people who made this movie think of women: a woman with godlike superpowers is roughly equivalent to a normal man with a knife.

Roughly equivalent.

Despite the writer's daddy issues and the plotting failures, I think Man of Steel is worth seeing in the theater.  It's definitely the best summer tent pole blockbuster I've seen since The Avengers, and creates an excellent foundation for the new DC film universe (I'm assuming Nolan's Batman won't be the one we see in the Justice League movies).  It's a treat for the senses and the fight scenes knock it out of the park.  Just don't think too much while you watch it, and definitely don't go in expecting The Dark Knight with laser eyes.



*I think the obvious step for the sequel is for the world to be mad at Superman for all of the damage he and his brethren caused.  It makes a great motivation for a complex version of Lex Luthor: he's not evil, he just wants to get rid of Superman before he and his alien friends destroy the planet.  Make him a humanist who would never do anything to hurt other people and is working toward building a legitimate utopia, but becomes sidetracked trying to get Superman to go away and get Earth out of the line of fire.

Transformers Review

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Nondescript Subtitle is the prettiest clusterfuck I have ever seen.

Every cent that hack/manchild Michael Bay got for making this movie should go directly to the computer animation department, which did a heckuva job. All the rest of the film's profit should get split amongst Megan Fox's lips and breasts.

The movie's plot is so jumbled that pointing out all of the plot holes doesn't work because (1) the plotholes themselves have holes, and (2) any criticism of the plot gets sucked into the swirling mass of the plot as though it were black hole. A black hole made up of dick jokes.

And that's the strangest thing about the ...ahem... "film". It can't decide whether it's a kids movie or an adult's movie, so it splits the difference in the worst possible way: everything about it is juvenile and childish, but laden with violence, sexuality, and bathroom/bedroom humor that goes lower than even American Pie. The content is hyper-adult, but delivered in a hyper-childish way. It was so discordant I felt a stroke coming on.

One of the Decepticons has giant balls, OK? And rather than just leave it at the sight gag for only the adults to catch, instead they have an adult (who himself has no purpose in the movie except to act like a clown for the children to laugh at) report to the military that he is, and I quote: "Directly below the enemy scrotum".

I'll let that sink in for a second.
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And the kicker? The thing doesn't have a damn scrotum! The balls are just hanging loose out in the air!

Hearing which gags got the biggest laughs in the theater (of at least 2/3 adults) made me fear for the future of America. Apparently, generic insults are HILARIOUS if delivered by a character in a snarky voice. Almost as hilarious as sexual assault. Which is aaalmost as knee-slappingly hysterical as racial stereotypes. Actual jokes? Barely a titter. (heh, heh, I said tit)


And I have never in my entire life witnessed any piece of work so obsessed with manliness and anxious adolescent male wish fulfillment. Someone get Michael Bay some male enhancement, pronto. Or at least a girlfriend who doesn't care about size or potency.

The lead is again hapless loser Sam Witwicky, played by Shaya LaDoof. Despite absolutely no capability or positive qualities, except perhaps the ability to run away and scream, he's set up as some Hero of Destiny with a Matrix of Leadership or some such crap. He's put in there so insecure males can identify with him, and then given importance for absolutely no reason. Everyone cares about him so much, and it just doesn't make any sense. Throughout the movie, literally thousands of soldiers die with almost no attention paid to them. Sam gets injured, and suddenly the battle comes to a complete stop so a full medical team can worry over this one useless kid after ignoring some dying soldiers. Pathetic wish-fulfillment and undeserved ego stroking: quite a recipe for box-office success.

You can actually see Megan Fox grimace when she has to kiss him. She may be quite a looker, but she's no actress, and her revulsion is almost physically palpable. She spends about 10 seconds of the movie with one of the supporting actors (a soldier) and has more chemistry with him than in the hour of screen time she's next to LaDouche.

Shots linger a bit too long on military hardware, until you can almost hear the strains of "America, Fuck Yeah" in the background. Speaking of Team America: in Transformers, a number of priceless Egyptian artifacts are destroyed, including one of the fucking pyramids. By a missile. The parallels are astounding.

There are dick jokes and phallic stand-ins everywhere (guns guns guns!), Optimus Prime has a voice so deep that there is no way you could question his masculinity. There aren't even any female soldiers, despite the fact that half the frames in the movie are full of soldiers. There are only two female transformers, and they each appear on camera just long enough to get killed. Transformers seems to have pretty much one goal: to reassure you that men are men and women are women and you have no reason to be anxious about your gender identity! And shlubby guys are important, too! Even if it's for no reason!

But such is the futility of criticising this movie. It's simply an unstoppable force of stupidity. It's like a core of idiocy that propels forward the fatty/sugary delicious spectacle of the film. Much like the second Matrix movie, it's much improved by simply editing together all of the fight scenes and just watching them.

It's a fun movie to watch, and it's not supposed to make sense. It's supposed to be a pure indulgence. But for all its prettines- oh, I'm sorry, rugged manly handsomeness- I'd rather just have a piece of cake.